During the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, We had the privilege of tuning into a deeply sobering yet hopeful conversation between two of South Africa’s leading voices in child protection and women’s rights: Dr Shaheda Omar (Director of The Teddy Bear Clinic) and Sindi Mahlambi (Chief Social Worker at POWA). The topic? The rapidly growing crisis of digital violence against women and girls and, alarmingly, against very young children.

If you are a parent, teacher, aunt, uncle, older sibling or anyone who loves a child, please read this to the end. What these experts shared should be taught in every home and every school in the country. The New Face of Abuse Happens Behind Screens. Dr Shaheda Omar opened with statistics and case examples that made our blood run cold: – Grooming now starts as young as 8–10 years old, often on seemingly “innocent” gaming platforms like Roblox, Discord and Fortnite.

Image-based sexual abuse (sextortion, revenge porn and AI-generated deepfake nudes) has exploded in the last two years. Boys are increasingly targeted with financial sextortion abusers threaten to release images unless money is sent. Live-streamed sexual abuse is no longer rare. Exposure to extreme pornography is shaping children’s sexual expectations before they even reach high school. These are not “somewhere else” problems. They are happening in South African bedrooms, classrooms and school computer labs right now.

The Silent Damage No One Sees

The mental-health fallout is devastating and often invisible: Severe anxiety, depression and PTSD

Suicidal thoughts and attempts

Deep shame that makes children withdraw from friends and school

Distorted body image and sexual identity

A higher risk of being re-victimized later in life

Long-term difficulties with trust and healthy relationships

Dr Omar emphasized: “A child who suddenly angles their phone away, deletes browsing history, or becomes emotionally numb or explosive is often suffering in silence.” The Most Important Sentence We Can Teach Every Child “Once it’s sent, you no longer own it.” That single sentence, repeated by Dr Omar, should be written on every school wall and repeated at every family dinner. Children (and adults) need to understand that the moment an intimate image leaves their device, they lose control forever.

How Abusers Work and How We Can Fight Back

Abusers are sophisticated. They create fake profiles, shower attention, offer in-game gifts or promises of fame, then quickly move the conversation to private chats. Once they have an image, the threats begin. The protective behaviours Dr Omar urges us to teach immediately: Never take or send a nude photo not even to someone you trust 100%.

• Use the “Grandma Rule”: if you wouldn’t show it to your grandmother or teacher, don’t post it.
• Keep privacy settings tight and never accept friend requests from strangers.
• Tell a safe adult the moment anyone makes you feel uncomfortable – no matter how embarrassed you feel.

Healing Is Possible – But It Takes All of Us

Both experts stressed that recovery is absolutely possible when we act quickly and compassionately:

• Believe the child or woman immediately.
• Report the content urgently (in South Africa: Film and Publication Board hotline 0800 148 148 or SAPS).
• Get professional trauma support Trauma-Focused CBT, EMDR, play and art therapy work wonders. –
• Restore safety first: sometimes devices need to be removed temporarily, harmful content taken down, and police reports filed.

We Need a Village – Online and Offline

Dr Omar and Sindi Mahlambi called for collective action: Digital safety must become part of the Life Orientation curriculum taught as seriously as road safety. Schools need counsellors trained in technology-facilitated abuse.  Parents must have regular, shame-free conversations with their children about online risks. Communities and NGOs must partner with platforms for rapid removal of illegal content.

A Final Word Digital violence is not a “new” only in its tools

The abuse of power, the silencing, the shame these are as old as violence itself. But we now have the knowledge and the tools to stop it. Let us not wait for another child to attempt suicide, another young woman to delete her social media out of fear, or another family to be torn apart by leaked images. Start the conversation tonight. Teach the “Grandma Rule” tomorrow. Register for workshops, share resources, report abuse, believe survivors. Because every child deserves to grow up in a world – online and offline – where their body, their voice and their future are respected.

#EndDigitalViolence #16DaysOfActivism #ProtectOurChildren #OnceItsSent #TeddyBearClinic #POWA