Reconciliation Day is about forgiveness, but not everything should be forgiven. Here are the key things children should be taught to immediately tell a trusted adult about (and that they are never required to forgive, keep secret, or “make up” about). Use simple, age-appropriate language when teaching kids: Things a child MUST report right away (no matter who does it, even family, teachers, coaches, or friends):

1. Any touching of their private parts (the areas covered by a swimsuit) or asking the child to touch someone else’s private parts.
2. Being shown private parts of another person’s body (in real life, photos, or videos).
3. Being asked to take naked or sexual photos/videos of themselves or others.
4. Kissing or hugging that feels sexual or uncomfortable, especially on the mouth or in private areas.
5. Someone rubbing against them in a sexual way (“humping,” grinding, etc.).
6. Being forced or tricked into sexual acts (oral sex, penetration, etc.).
7. Any adult or older child asking them to keep a secret about bodies, touching, or gifts in exchange for silence.
8. Threats or blackmail (“I’ll hurt your family if you tell,” “No one will believe you,” “I’ll kill myself if you tell”).

Physical abuse they must report:

• Hitting, kicking, choking, burning, or any injury that leaves marks or needs a doctor.
• Being locked up or tied up as punishment.

Emotional abuse they must report:

• Constant name-calling, shaming, or threats that make them terrified or worthless.
• Being told they are the reason someone drinks, hurts themselves, or fights.

Key messages to give children:

• “Your body belongs to YOU. No one is allowed to touch it in ways that feel wrong or confusing.”
• “There are NO secrets from Mommy/Daddy/Teacher about bodies or touching even if someone says it’s ‘our little secret’ or gives you treats.”
• “If anyone ever does these things, it is NEVER your fault. You will not get in trouble for telling.”
• “You do NOT have to hug, kiss, or sit on anyone’s lap if you don’t want to, even relatives.”
• “You are not being ‘naughty’ or ‘disloyal’ by telling. You are being brave and protecting yourself.”
• “Forgiving is something you can think about later, when you’re grown up and safe. Right now, your only job is to tell so adults can keep you safe.”

What children should NEVER be pressured to do:

• Hug or kiss the person who hurt them “to make peace.”
• Say sorry to the abuser.
• Keep attending family events or visits with the person who harmed them.
• Write apology letters or “forgive” in therapy while still in danger or contact.

Children deserve to know: Some things are so serious that protecting the child comes first, forgiveness and reconciliation are adult choices for much later (if ever), and only when the child is safe, old enough, and truly wants to.